14 hours ago
I’ve been struggling since my husband brought his business back home.
Nothing personal to him or those he works with. But obviously, they bring distractions that make it harder than when I had the office and my home to myself. And obviously my #ADHD ways are a challenge for them too.
So I'm preparing to move back into the spare room with all my mess and chaos. This desk was mahogany but I want it to be white before I move it upstairs. It’ll be lovely when it is done.
This is me investing time and effort in what I need to make my workspace a positive place to be. This is me practicing what I preach and setting things up the way I want, need and deserve them to be, without spending lots of money. I'm really enjoying doing it. 🤗 ... See MoreSee Less
3 days ago
For better or worse, does anyone have any A Level results to share? ... See MoreSee Less
Me. Right now. Because I'm taking it easy.
Well, my body is taking it easy but my brain is flooping the loop! 🤪 ... See MoreSee Less
’To Do’ lists not getting done in the holidays?
A theme with my adult clients is feeling like they aren't getting anything done. Particularly those with children at home for the summer.
They write a list of what needs doing but they can't get through it and feel dishearted. Then their other half comes in and moans at the state of the place.
There may be 1-3 things that must get done during this hectic time, but let us be realistic and leave it there. I’d like to make a suggestion that may make you feel better and keep you moving forward.
Write your 1-3 things that need to get done on a piece of paper and then start a ’Reverse To-Do’ list. This is essentially a ’have done’ list. This helps us to know where our time and energy is going and protects us from being self-critical or even being frowned on by others. The other thing it does is provides momentum and satisfaction. It feels good to write down what we have done so we find it easier to start on the next thing.
Most of my adult clients have ADHD, or they are parents to ADHD children. Therefore their plans often go out of the window. The ’reverse to do’ is a backup plan so that all is not lost.
If you use it, please let me know how it goes.
Jannine 🦉 ... See MoreSee Less
5 days ago
There is nothing easy about ADHD.
Yet I wouldn’t want it any other way - most of the time.
I wish I had known that ADHD is a part of who I am sooner. Before my diagnosis through the NHS 5 years ago, life was significantly harder. There are lots of lies we tell ourselves before we know why we do the things that we do.
🤦♀️We convince ourselves that we will remember and leave 20 minutes early to put fuel in the car on the way to work.
🤦♀️We kid ourselves that if we just try harder, this time will be THE time that we produce our best work and hand it in on time.
🤦♀️The birthday card that we bought ahead of time will get sent on time because we will remember.
🤦♀️The bill that we put in our handbag to pay in our lunch break will be remembered and paid.
🤦♀️We’ve just about got time to run one more errand before we’re due to collect the children from school.
🤦♀️ The date and time we just agreed to will be remembered for now and written on a calendar later.
Nope! No it won't. Haha! Oh dear! No way! Don't kid yourself.
But now that I know I have ADHD, I lie to myself less, and that means I put things in place to help me succeed more often than I fail. I used to lose so much time and energy to being mad at myself that I now keep for myself and do good things with.
What makes one person with ADHD thrive and another barely survive? We are at higher risk of school exclusion and other adverse school experiences, addiction, homelessness, hardship and falling the wrong side of the law. But we are also more likely to be entrepreneurs and innovators. What are the factors that make the difference one way or the other?
We have a choice. We either give in to the struggles and lead a lesser life than we are capable of reaching, or we drive ourselves forward with purpose and self-efficacy and use our strengths to mitigate our weaknesses.
One of my weaknesses is that I am a procrastinator. But when I do get my head in the game, I work hard and fast and I'm very capable. My hyperfocus is the ’superpower’ that mitigates the struggle. The world could fall apart around me and I wouldn’t notice so there is a price to pay potentially. I set things up with myself and my family so that everyone and everything is in place as much as possible before I dive in, refuse distraction and give my all to what is in front of me.
Another weakness is my out of sight out of mind. I will not remember what I can't see, even if it is important to me. I live a life of alarms, calendars and whiteboards because I know that I have to externalise my executive function. I know and accept that my mind and body will wander. When I catch myself mid daydream, I don't get angry or frustrated with myself. I return to my whiteboard and I know where I am and what I am supposed to be doing. More things get done that are meant to. I’m not aiming to be perfect. Just better than I was before.
My next struggle is that I tend to over-commit. This applies to time, money and energy. I think I would spend all of them 3 times over on what I commit to if I didn’t keep myself in check. Whiteboards, diaries, timers and banking apps are my saviour but sometimes things still get away from me. I have to build in buffers for time, money and energy. But I’ll take risks where others might not and often these pay off!
Lastly, my emotional regulation is a challenge. I feel everything so intensely. This is draining but it is also empowing. I have a fire in my belly that pushes me hard and gives my purpose. I have to be careful not to get myself caught up in the negatives and the injustices and have to keep myself in a positive frame of mind. This slips, but I am self-aware and utilise people around me to put me back on track. Staying away from negativity and not taking on (over) other people's battles was hard at first but one of my greatest pleasures in life is seeing others achieve against the odds. My focus is always on being there for people so that they can fight their battles, rather than getting myself involved. I do absorb a fair amount of the stresses and strains of my clients and have a support network that will allow me to lean in and offload so that I stay well and can keep doing what I do.
I have known hardship and felt loneliness that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I didn't really know any security until I was 38. Unconditional love and acceptance from anyone other than my own children was something I hadn’t known. I was a big self-sabotager most of my life. A sense of belonging was something I needed so badly that I’d test it to the point where it broke. I thank Mind in Milton Keynes for helping me to break that negative behaviour cycle.
We can't always prevent those we love from falling. It isn't possible to provide full protection. As someone who fell and recovered, I tell you that the factors that make the difference between thriving and barely surviving with ADHD are these.
🎗Being open about meds.
🎗Being open and non-judgemental on all things.
🎗Receiving unconditional love, and acceptance.
🎗Being championed and celebrated.
🎗Feeling known and valued.
🎗Never going without a meal.
🎗A decent place to sleep and live.
🎗Having a strong sense of belonging.
🎗Not being condemned for things beyond our control.
🎗Having (appropriate) control over our lives.
🎗Optimism for the future.
🎗Direction and purpose.
🎗🎗🎗Basically, having your physiological & psychological needs met (see Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs) because these are our roots, from which we grow. If we are not rooted, we struggle!
I found my roots rather late. But I found them. Roots (belonging) are essential to thriving.
I make a choice every day to thrive rather than just survive. But I can only do that because I’m secure in who I am, who loves me and where I belonging.
I thought I was a broken neurotypical person. I’m not and I never was. I am a brilliant neurodiverse diverse person. I'm just as capable and just as flawed as anyone else. I just have differences that led to unmet needs. ... See MoreSee Less